Sometimes my problems just seem so...fuckin' lame... PLEASE READ/WATCH

Have you ever felt like you just couldn't handle life's little problems. The price of gas is going up and that's cutting into your "new whatever" fund? Or that you just couldn't catch any breaks because you didn't have the money for a new ipod or cell phone or those sweet clothes you saw at whatever shop it is you shop at? Well how many times have you stopped to think of how much worse it could be in those moments? Probably not too many would be my guess, I'm just as guilty.

Well here's something that I hope will open the eyes of some of you out there. The link at the bottom of this post is to a video about one of my cousin's best friends. At least give it a look and if you still feel the need to complain about the cards you're dealt, then, well, I apologize.

http://www.clickorlando.com/problemsolvers/18156246/detail.html#video

son of a B Arthur

I've decided that I get way too angry over stupid little things lately and I need to do something about it. From now on, whenever I get overly angered by something really dumb I'm just going to recite in my head, "B-fuckin'-Arthur!!!!!" until I no longer feel upset.

I think everyone should have a favorite Golden Girls character to fuse with any curse word. It would make the world so much more... well... golden B)

holiday update

Ho ho holy crap there's a lot going on in my life lately and what better time than the holidays for that extra little dash of chaos. Apart from the typical "my job sucks" comments and blaming every bad thing on the economy, there's actually been quite a few new things to write about that I actually had the will to write about. For starters, my job does suck, but apparently I'm being promoted. All well and good right? Wrong. You see, promotions tend to lose their grandeur when someone else gets laid off in order for that to happen. And since I work in a place with fewer than 10 employees it makes it all the more difficult since we're all pretty close. So Merry Christmas to me... and all of the gut-wrenching, nerve-wrecking, God-awful horrible feelings that go along with feeling like I somehow had something to do with that decision even though I merely did my job to the best that I could and someone noticed. The commute is at least a little bit better now that I'm finally moved into the new place. Everything there seems to be going swell except I've decided that I need to start spending more on actual groceries than new and exciting beers that I discover in the alcohol jungle at Wegmans. As far as the holidays go, well let's just say that they seem to come and go as quickly as I seem to be getting older these days (which isn't that old but when you're in your twenties I guess you're gonna think that way). It doesn't help when the cousins start having children of there own and everyone starts looking in your direction to keep the ball rolling (note: children will not be in my plans for at least 30 more years). I suppose I got more than I asked for this year which isn't saying much since I never ask for anything. I seem to be more in the giving spirit these days than anything. It's much more satisfying to be able to help someone else who needs it more which I guess is why I organized a group effort among the co-workers to raise $470 for a co-worker with 4 children, who's wife doesn't work but who is in college, all funded by my friend who doesn't even have a vehicle to get himself to work...which by the way is an hour and a half from where he lives. So yeah, I guess I don't really have it as bad as I try and make myself believe sometimes. Well I suppose that's enough to get off my shoulders for now even though this was an extremely objective entry. Have no fear, as sure as the rain the rants will come.

a little different

It's been quite a long time since my last post and to all of my adoring fans I'm sincerely apologize. There have been many new and...well...new things going on in my life and I guess that's why I've decided to do this post a little differently than in the past. Rather than rambling on and on about some silly story that only I find amusing I'm going to instead list off some things that will hopefully fill in the blanks about the past couple months of my life.

Here goes...

I'm still working with the auction company and it's slightly less than unsatisfactory but my boss has told me that he wants to give me new responsibilities...eh, I adopted a kitty and named him General Tso, then changed his name to Kingsley Zissou, then back to General Tso (the SPCA loved that), I bought an iPhone and love everything about it except that you can't copy text, the buffalo bills were my heroes but have yet again found a way to make me realize why I watch hockey, I've decided that ice skating is a lot farther up on my list of things that make me happy, I'm still single...still, I'm moving to Buffalo, General Tso can't come with me :(, no new ink...yet, selling life insurance is sounding more and more appealing with every auction I work, I learned to drive a big black truck, I finally have health insurance again, Thanksgiving wasn't fun this year, I miss Maine, my guitar has too much dust on it and there's nothing I've been able to do about that, I'm thinking about joining a darts league, I wanna go back to school, Barack Obama IS my hero, my father had knee surgery, my mother didn't, I still can't find any good job listings for TV or film in the Buffalo area, did I mention I miss Maine...

Well.... I dunno how I feel about this style but I guess that will have to sufice for the time being until I can figure out a way to get Apple to give me a new computer for free. Until next time. GO BATMAN!!

gravity

so.... How's everyone been? I've been fairly absent from my writing schedule (that is if I had one and I mean fairly as in nonexistent) but I feel that the past however many weeks have been filled with enough excitement to crank out at least one paragraph. So as I sit here enjoying a killian's at my favorite bar the mood has struck me to write...and write I shall.

Things have slowly been working themselves back into some form of normal in the life category. I've finally settled in working at the auction house although the jury is still out on how long I plan on staying. The money is good and the work isn't mentally challenging so I really can't complain but with the gas that my car has been eating in order to get there has probably burnt an intricate hole in the ozone oddly shaped like my route to and from work...but I digress.

I've been finding myself in fred town more and more. I feel as though I left something here and I keep returning to see if maybe, by chance, I can find it and be on my merry way. I'm beginning to think that maybe what I'm missing is something that can't be found except sitting on this bar stool looking out onto the street or driving to the lake to sit on the pier and listen to the water at 2 in the morning. Maybe its something here that's pulling me back. Many words come to mind that try their best to define this feeling yet the only one that seems to shout a little louder above all is "comfortable".

This place is everything, period. So I guess until I can find that same gravity somewhere else...fred town it is.

let's just put it this way...

Yet another old blog from my myspace.

Sometimes... I seem to start every thought with 'sometimes' anymore. when i think about it though, sometimes doesn't really describe anything. sometimes is liking saying 'sometimes i breathe air' or 'sometimes i am a human' or 'sometimes i miss something' which is what this blog is about i guess. i don't sometimes miss being around my friends. i don't sometimes miss having that feeling of waking up to the sun shining in the window and looking out to see the ground covered in a blanket of cold white. i don't sometimes miss that feeling of having to wait for my parents to get out of bed before i can go into the living room to start looking for easter eggs. i don't sometimes wish that i was laying on the hood of my car at 2am with my guitar watching the night sky by myself. i don't sometimes wish that the biggest of my worries could yet again be whether or not i found a good enough stick to use as a sword while exploring the woods around my aunt's house during the summer. never do these thoughts sometimes cross my mind. never do i sometimes wish that i could take that trip again to thousand islands and go camping for a week waking up everyday to my father drinking his coffee watching the lake wash up on the shoreline and then see me and smile because i'm there enjoying the day with him. Never do i sometimes think about these things or sometimes wish i could do them again...i always think about them, i always wish for them. i'm not gonna try and make people feel sorry for me by saying how hard i had it growing up in an attempt to make them think i'm tough or that i'm stronger than them. my childhood was amazing and as much as i feel bad for those people that didn't have it so hot growing up, i'm not gonna regret telling the whole fucking world about how great mine was because in all honesty, if it wasn't for every single god damn thing that happened to me growing up where i did, when i did, how i did, and with who i did, i wouldn't be the person that i am today and i think that that person is pretty fuckin sweet. I am who I am because of what i've been and what those people told me i could be. no questions. no regrets. thanks to everyone who had a part in my life in every minute leading up to right now. my hats off to you.

(I was listening to "Boston" by Augustana while writing this)

kids reveal the darndest things...

I'm trying to move all of my work to this blog so this is one that I wrote some time ago on my myspace blog. enjoi.

Go listen to 'Sea Breeze' by Tyrone Wells while reading this. It's what I was listening to while writing it. (www.myspace.com/tyronewells)

"These eyes have seen the most beautiful dream."

Why is it that everytime I find something that makes me happy it's at the most in-opportune time in my life. Just seems to be in the cards lately.

I'm ready to get back to school and be with other people who are ambitious about life and wondering what the next phase of their life is going to be. I'm tired of surrounding myself with people who all seem to know exactly what they want in life or know exactly where they're going and just wanna rub it in everyone elses faces.

I don't know what i wanna do with my life. In all seriousness I wanna grow up to be a kid. I've said it before but it's true. Nothing would make me happier than to be in a position where all I had to worry about was making my bed or eating my vegetables to make people happy.

Truth is that can't happen.

I guess that's why I continue to work with kids. They make me see the world from a completely different point of view. One that used to be so colorful and vibrant to me. A world where everyone was the same and if they weren't a simple question was all that was necessary to clear up any confusion. They don't know what calculus is, or what the square root of 144 is, or how many presidents were impeached.

To them this world is a great place to be in because they can wake up one day and be a power ranger or a firefighter or a doctor or a football player for their dad's favorite team.

For the first time in 5 years it's hit me why I choose to work for the youth bureau for a summer theatre program... because I get to teach kids how to be whatever they want in a setting where no one will critcize them for that. A place where people actually want to see them be whatever they want and be happy with that.

Life is too short to try and be the best you can be at something that you only think someone else wants you to be. So why not try and be something greater? Be something other than just an average person on the street. Make yourself into something that people will stop and take notice of. It's your life, why the hell not?

Go out there and make people believe that greatness can be found in anyone so long as they know how to pretend, because sometimes, if you try hard enough, whatever it is that you're pretending to be, just might be what you really are on the inside. And a great deal of the time, that's who you really are in the first place.

I'm gonna miss you kids... It's been a great ride. Thank you... for teaching me how to stay young... stay true... and most of all, stay me.

Take Me Back part 2

take me back to those autumn days,
the railroad tracks we'd line with change. sit in the swing and watch the leaves play chicken with the cars in the road-hear them yell, see them scatter. I want that feeling...of having the perfect sweater to defend your organs from the blasts of air preluding the time when the ground would be white... take me back...

Take Me Back

...to those days where passion, promise, and possibility cornerstoned a life filled with the opportunity for opportunity...not a life full of molds and hammers pounding me endlessly, trying to form me to those molds...to get me to be just another carbon copy of the best before me...let me breathe! let me think! let my thoughts and actions dictate my success! I am me...I am true....I am. Let me use my mind to create new ideas, not only to house those of others before me. Let me build upon this house...make it a mansion...then a castle...then a city....then a nation...of my own design; of my own...paradise. Let me...no....don't let me....I'll let me.

They get creative in Buffalo...

Irony

Love the color of the truck...

Odieritto. ¡Ole!

updates

so I have been absent from my writings for quite some time now and I promise I have a valid excuse... I'VE BEEN WORKING EVERY DAY NON-STOP... I'm not complaining about that however because, unlike my previous stint of employment, I'm actually getting money (wOOt!). It's not the most glorious work in the world but it is paying the bills so I guess it'll be fine until I can find something else.

I've been apartment hunting as well and after a few viewings and as many turn downs I'm feeling fairly confident that my next viewing on friday is going to go well so I'll keep you all posted.

Other than that not too much has been going on in my life so when something worth writing about or some picture worth posting comes about I'll be right on it.

peace

GOPVP

I didn't think it was possible for someone to make Hillary look good... I was wrong.

ladders

(to better understand the mood of this post, listen to "hey now" by augustana while reading found at myspace.com/augustana)


so... I'm kind of feeling a little down right now. Not that anything has gone wrong today either because it hasn't. I guess I'm having a little bit of a hard time coming to grips with the idea of being done with school and having to move out of my little bubble and into the "real world". I had a pretty amazing summer in Maine and I certainly don't have anything to regret in going there, but I kind of feel a little cheated I guess. I was almost certain that things would pan out a little better than they did, like me getting offered a paying job and being able to stay there, with people that I really came to care about, doing work that I really enjoyed, in a place that was everything I could have imagined and more... but things didn't happen that way. So here I sit, back in western New York, wondering, yet again, where my path lies. I know that I need to find work because, more importantly than air these days, I need money, and when my student loans hit, I'm going to need even more and so a job that pays me minimum wage (or nothing at all in Maine) isn't really going to cut it. So I continue my search, to find yet another "opportunity too good to pass up" that might "be the chance I've been waiting for" all the while coming to realize more and more that my passions in life are somehow or another slipping ever farther away from becoming something more because... well... I'm getting older, and let's face it, good things don't come to those who wait anymore, they come to those who know people who know people who once served someone important coffee while working at starbucks in the east village. But I'm hopeful, and I guess that's all I really can be, because what it all boils down to is outlasting the things in life that keep stepping on our fingers every time we reach for the next rung on the ladder for when we reach that next rung there's always going to be another one waiting to let us know not only that we're getting closer to the top, but that we're one rung further from where we started. So I'll keep on keeping on as they say and continue my ascent. Who knows, maybe the next rung will be the one I've been waiting for.

another door closes...

Well, this will ultimately be my last blog from Maine. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm going to miss it here and although there are some things that I'll no doubt forget very soon there are even more things that I know I'll find myself wishing I still had as a part of my day when I'm back home.

At the top of that list is definitely the friends that I've made here. Its hard to think that the chances of our paths crossing again are pretty laughable yet for some reason I feel like they will. I've always stood by the idea of never losing friends and I plan on sticking to that.

Not being able to play campus golf or go to Off The Boat or play ping pong at gilbert's on sundays... These are some of the other things that will be hard to find replacements for once I'm gone. The way the fog rolls in off the ocean like something out of a horror film only in the middle of the day. The quarry and the many treasure hunts at Good Will. Booze and Bake nights at the foundry. The soccer ball that belongs to the tech barn (or post? Hell if I know anymore). Waitng around the ER in a red dress because it turns out the color red can't skate for shit.

I guess I could keep going but I suppose that's a good enough start to keep me from forgetting what has been one of the greatest summer's of my life. To spend 3 months with the most creative and talented individuals that I've ever known. To create professional ties with them and to set up further networking opportunities down the road. But more than that, more than the jobs that may come or the refrences that might follow, more than the addition to the experience section of a resume, we found friendship.

I'll miss all of you and you can bet on it that I won't forget you. Until our paths cross again, there are no goodbyes.

I love slow weeks at work

song in my head

There's certain things that make a week worth while. This week has been one of THE SLOWEST of the summer by far and I keep asing myself if it was really necessary to even come to work. However, as I sit on this bench blogging, I realize that it WAS necessary for me to be right in this very spot at this very moment, for only seconds ago my friend Will came to me asking for song suggestions for this week's slideshow end credits. Without hesitation I uttered the only song that came to mind and tonight, when the credits roll and everyone hears the opening words, "Josie's on a vacation far away..." I'll be standing in the back, just smiling.

Thanks for making this week worth while for me Will :).

FIND something to do they said...

Bathroom stall wisdom

only in maine...

good will books

note the author

what religion has come to

I guess it does have a price... ($2.99 if you can't read it)

hospital literature

I just brought my friend to the hospital to get a follow up x-ray of her broken wrist and as I sit here in the waiting room I can't help but ask myself why there are nothing but health magazines. I mean, I understand that the context is right but wouldn't you think that people would want to get their minds off of their medical problems instead of convincing themselves that they have more or even worse health problems than that which they're here for in the first place. I'm probably missing something but I like to rant. Enjoi.

because no one sleeps around here

Since both my roommate and his brother decided they were going to read before bed tonight I decided to write....although it took me almost 25min to get enough signal to connect and now most of my brain is fried from the frustration of waiting...but I digress.

Things are starting to come together it seems with this summer and the way I saw things playing out after I leave maine. My friend got me a job at the auction house that he works at so at least I'll have a solid source of income when I get home which means I'll be able to get an apartment closer to the other work I hope to be doing in the city. Now I just have to find someone to go in on an apartment with me. In all due time I suppose.

Well, as luck would have it, the brothers just decided they're done reading so rather than being a dick and continuing to click click away at my blackberry I guess I'll end this short. Enjoi.

i love american newswriters

"Apparently ex-communists like GM."


...Best quote of the 2008 olympic coverage.

(2 weeks to WNY)

Although going home seems to be the only thing I've been writing about lately, I am going to miss maine a lot. I've been trying to take as many pictures as possible in the remaining days here but finding the time to do so (and finding nice days as well) is proving to be rather difficult. I'm ready to head out though. Ready to see my dog, my family, my friends. Ready to cook out, watch football and hockey, actually work for pay. All those good things. I'm ready to be back on familiar ground after being out of my element for so long. Coming home should be a whole new experience as if seeing it through new eyes. The eyes of someone who has traveled far from home for a long period of time for the FIRST time in his life. Perhaps I'll learn something from all of this... like that you should always take advantage of free lobster when you get the chance, because wny lobster ain't cheap.

technology meets lack of a computer

So I just set up mobile blogging on my phone. I don't know how I feel about this yet because I already text entirely too much and now it'll look like I do it even more. I kinda feel like Rev at the end of each episode of Run's House though and I guess that makes me feel kind of badass B). I think I want to name these mobile posts something similar like "mobile post #1" etc but that's not very creative so I think for the moment I'll just call this "technology meets lack of a computer"... Which brings me to mention the fact that my computer is dead so this should actually be helpful :).

a little snack for the road

and so it starts...

the first of what is soon to be many departures from the Maine Media Workshops occurred this morning at approximately 10am. it's kind of weird to think that I've only been here for about 2 and a half months yet it feels as though I've been here for years. these people have grown on me and I can only hope that I've grown on them as well. we've all learned a lot this summer, not only about our individual fields and areas of art but also as people. people who share a common love for expression and creativity. we've been humbled within our own little bubbles; something that took most of us by surprise but that we now understand is a part of the bigger picture. we were big fish moved to an even smaller pond where we just knew we would stand out only when we got there we found that all of the other fish could fly. we were stuck, watching everyone else do what we only wished we could do. we sat there, stunned, now uncertain of our own ability to swim. but then we learned... we learned that it isn't enough to believe with all your heart that you were the best swimmer in the pond; you have to realize that there is always something more that you can discover and there's always someone who can discover something from you. we have discovered. we have learned. in some small way we have given. and now, as this adventure comes closer to an end we look forward to whatever adventure awaits just ahead for us and there we will learn more, using what we've taken from this place to guide us onto the next. this has been an amazing experience. i won't forget any of it. thank you all.

Dressing like women... yeeeaahh.

It's been a few days since my last post but I can honestly say that isn't without good reason. 

For starters. we had a mid-summer's halloween party this past saturday. Rather than putting some creative thought into some robot costume or a stupid pun I decided to go exceptionally original and go with the ever-award-winning and stylistic choice of the “woman in the red dress”. Needless to say the excursion to the local Good Will was a fairly interesting one since two of my other friends (both guys) decided to do the same. After what only seemed like hours in the dressing rooms shouting things like "this shows too much leg" and "I look fat in this one" or "I don't know how they can do this more than once" we finally made up our minds and moved on to accessories (note that will probably be the only time I will ever use that phrase when talking about clothing again). Not only did all three of us find high heels that fit, they all matched our dresses perfectly (not that it matters but c'mon, I mean, if you're a guy and you decide that your best costume option is a dress, that's a pretty firm decision that you need to follow through on). 

So I guess it sort of goes without saying that we were definitely turning heads at the party, especially when everyone noticed that we were actually using our purses to carry our phones and cigars (where else were we gonna put them?!). The night was pretty amazing for the most part and I was surprised at how quickly I learned to dance in heels, but things weren't going to stay that way for long. 

At around 1 o'clock in the morning, my friend Nicole who had dressed as the color red (along with several others dressed as colors of the color wheel) fell in the middle of the dance party. I'm sure the fact that she had roller skates on had nothing to do with her falling but then again I'm no detective. Thinking her butt was probably in worse shape than anything else I knelt down and asked her, half-laughing, if she was alright. "No, something's definitely wrong" was all she had to say for it was about that time I noticed her wrist now very closely resembled the letter "S". Within 5 minutes we had her skates off, a bag of ice on her wrist, and her in our friend Claire's truck on the way to the hospital with me in the back end of the cab. 

From the moment we walked through the sliding door of the ER I knew it was going to be an interesting experience. The girl in registration did her best not to laugh in our faces when we approached the window, but the awkward smile she cracked gave her away. After getting Nicole into her room and having the doctor take a look at her wrist they ordered some X-rays to be taken. When they came for her Claire had already almost completely passed out and I was trying to keep at least one eye open since it was now around 2:30 in the morning. After they brought her back and after more waiting around for the X-rays to come back from radiology the doctor came in and confirmed that she had broken her wrist pretty badly. Even though she wasn't in that much pain at the time she had managed to break it directly across the joint and again across the first break. This was going to need a specialist. They called him and woke him up and within the next 20 minutes he was there in the room with us. By this time it was around 3:15ish.... and I was still wearing that bright red dress. That's right. The specialist told us he had seen some “weird shit” in his life before coming in on calls but this one took the cake. 

The night went on in similar fashion I suppose for after a run to Tim Horton's and a quick clothes change on my part we left the hospital with Nicole in a cast all dopey from her meds at around 5 in the morning. Since none of us had seen the sun rise over the ocean yet while here in Maine we decided to go to the beach for a photo op since we were already up. Well, following suit for the events thus far, our other friend Trey, managed to leave her purse at the beach and it was stolen. I'm sure that the man in the green pickup that was sitting there the whole time we were there had nothing to do with it...but yet again I'm no detective.

So long story short, I don't think I'm gonna wear a dress for a while. 

this is why I shop @ thrift stores

As I wandered around the Good Will yesterday searching for possible costumes for the mid-summer's 'ween party tomorrow, I found myself rummaging through the electronics "aisle" (a couple shelves crammed with almost every kind of cassette deck for any car ever made as well as a few prehistoric cell phones). As I finished trying out a pair of rip off Apple speakers with my blackberry I noticed a small pile of cameras collectively calling out my name. As I took a closer look I noticed among them there was a small black vinyl bag with a strap on it. "Now what could be inside this delightful little satchel?" I though to myself. As I picked up the tiny case I heard all around me a magnificent choir of angels singing the joys of what was about to happen for as I unlatched the buckle and flipped back the lid of the case in my hands I found, nestled within, a near-mint Polaroid Impulse SE without a scratch on it loaded with 10 shots and another pack of film in the side pocket (which was only dated 02/07). As I glanced over the price tag on this gift from above a tear trickled slowly down my cheek. There, on that small, adhesive, red tag was printed the numbers "$2.99". Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I found the ultimate of treasures that day and it only cost me $2.99. 

And this is why I shop @ thrift stores. 

nothing much

So I went on a whale watch yesterday for the 3rd time in my life. Saw quite a few finbacks, one of which almost ran into the boat. That would have been an interesting story to type about. Too bad he went underneath us. I guess I shouldn't say he because he might have been a she. Speaking of "she's" my sister has been up here in Maine visiting with her boyfriend. They were with me as well. It was nice to have a small taste of home and a little free time. I don't really have much else to type about right now since things have been going pretty good. Stay tuned for a bad day :)

Mac the knife strikes again

So... two nights ago I woke up to a loud bang and saw my computer laying in pieces all over my bedroom floor. As I got closer to the "scene of the crime" I came to realize that this was no accident. Amongst the debris and scattered keys lay a note that read simply, "Can't take these friggin' macs anymore." That's right, it was suicide. Poor little guy never had a chance. 

...so that wasn't EXACTLY what happened but I'm pretty sure that my pricing of Macs that same morning had SOMETHING to do with my computer breaking...

good things...

So this week I get to sit in on a "Shooting 16mm and 35mm Film" workshop at my work for free since there are only two people in the course. Considering I've never shot on film before in my life this is a pretty amazing opportunity for me...not to mention the fact that the price of the workshop is around $2,000 for anyone else. Go me! B-)

this should be fun

So my sister is coming up to visit in 8 days and I have to say that I'm pretty friggin' stoked to the max. Her BF is coming with her and I would be kinda bummed about that if it weren't for the fact that he's a really cool cat too so that's pretty awesome. I don't think Maine is ready for the Wilson twins... but we'll do our best B-)

the man's nuts (part 2)

P.S. I just realized that facebook tells people when I'm listening to my pandora stations... creepy

the man's nuts! grab'em!

My day consisted of three film shoots, a semi-par bbq dinner, basketball, and wine...

I love Maine :-)