ladders

(to better understand the mood of this post, listen to "hey now" by augustana while reading found at myspace.com/augustana)


so... I'm kind of feeling a little down right now. Not that anything has gone wrong today either because it hasn't. I guess I'm having a little bit of a hard time coming to grips with the idea of being done with school and having to move out of my little bubble and into the "real world". I had a pretty amazing summer in Maine and I certainly don't have anything to regret in going there, but I kind of feel a little cheated I guess. I was almost certain that things would pan out a little better than they did, like me getting offered a paying job and being able to stay there, with people that I really came to care about, doing work that I really enjoyed, in a place that was everything I could have imagined and more... but things didn't happen that way. So here I sit, back in western New York, wondering, yet again, where my path lies. I know that I need to find work because, more importantly than air these days, I need money, and when my student loans hit, I'm going to need even more and so a job that pays me minimum wage (or nothing at all in Maine) isn't really going to cut it. So I continue my search, to find yet another "opportunity too good to pass up" that might "be the chance I've been waiting for" all the while coming to realize more and more that my passions in life are somehow or another slipping ever farther away from becoming something more because... well... I'm getting older, and let's face it, good things don't come to those who wait anymore, they come to those who know people who know people who once served someone important coffee while working at starbucks in the east village. But I'm hopeful, and I guess that's all I really can be, because what it all boils down to is outlasting the things in life that keep stepping on our fingers every time we reach for the next rung on the ladder for when we reach that next rung there's always going to be another one waiting to let us know not only that we're getting closer to the top, but that we're one rung further from where we started. So I'll keep on keeping on as they say and continue my ascent. Who knows, maybe the next rung will be the one I've been waiting for.