with open arms and open eyes

sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear....

It's rather ironic that those were the first lyrics to play on my ipod as soon as I started to type because they pretty much sum up my mood right now. In a nut shell, after having lived at my current address for just shy of three months, I'm moving again. In a way I'm pretty scared, but at the same time I'm excited, and yet, there's a sense of sadness in it all, so I guess uncertainty is the best way to describe it. In all, the whole process has taken approximately one week to transpire from initial discovery of the place to actually setting down in ink (and in monetary deposit) that our intentions of moving were not mere speculation. Despite the hassel it's going to be to pack everything up again and move it roughly one mile from it's current residence, I'm feeling hopeful. I don't feel that my first chance in this city went as well as I might have hoped, and a great deal of that has to do with the fact that I was feeling greatly pressured and stressed about not only my job but also with my relationships with my friends. I've become somewhat of a hermit in my own home for reasons that I can't fully understand but now, I feel that I've been given an opportunity to stop trying so hard to live and just live, just feel, just enjoy being a healthy individual in this world. This is a pretty generic situation I suppose since I'm more than positive that I'm not the first person in the world to ever feel this way about moving to a new place, but it helps to get it into writing.

So I guess with all that having been said... whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there....

an old tune in a new year

so let's see, i haven't written in....well...a very long time let's say. if i said i didn't have much to write about i'd pretty much be lying shamelessly. true is, most of what i would write about would consist of rants and vent sessions about how my job is so horrible (but at least i've got one) and how i don't have any friends (when i know right out that that's a lie) and all that other bologna....boloney....whatever. But the truth is that right now I'm kind of starting to feel that no one really cares anyway (and I mean that in the least emo way possible). In reality, everyone has things about their daily lives that dig on them, but that doesn't mean that other people want to hear about them, and let's face it, 99.9% of the time it's really not that bad. Today I got a little bummed for awhile because my boss was in a cranky mood for losing a ridiculous ammount of money over the weekend at our last auction (oh yeah, I work for an auction company btw haha). He came down on all of us at the shop as if it was our fault that people didn't show up and those that did pretty much kept their money in their pockets. I got all bent out of shape about it but after awhile I realized that I really don't give a shit. I mean, what's the worse he came do? fire me? oooOOOooo, better watch out. C'mon, I'm 22 years old (23 next month) with two college degrees and the plans of enrolling in grad school next fall. I honestly think that there's much more horrible things that can happen to me than getting fired from a job that has done nothing but manage to get me on anti-depressants 20 years sooner than I ever thought I'd be (note: I haven't taken them in almost a month and the voices are finally starting to forgive me for that). I guess what I'm getting at is, well, OPEN YOUR MINDS PEOPLE!!!!!!! Don't live unhappily just because someone else is unhappy, because at the end of the day, aside from friends, family, that favorite spot at that hole-in-the-wall pub, or anything else that is important to you, all you've got is your own happiness. That's it. Once you've got that down, then go have a little fun. You'll find that getting up each day is a little more enjoyable. Now go. Make good decisions my little snowflakes.